Blanca Flats has never felt haunted to me in any way. This spiky, drought resistant ecosystem is alive with spirits -- wind, clouds, mountains, stones -- and with coyotes, snakes, mice, rabbitbrush and prickly pear. But ghosts? I haven't felt any. Only the ghosts of my own memory. Sometimes they cross my inner vision in a continuous parade, sullen and relentless. Every mistake I've ever made, every regret I've ever cradled in my thoughts, every act of cowardice, every act of neglect. Steeped in solitude, this life forces a constant confrontation with the past.
The wind is an indifferent listener.
The massif is engaged in its own endless transformation.
Photo by Eric Havelock-Bailie
I love the desert. I was looking at moving to the desert southwest, but then I got lupus, and heat is not my friend. Even here in FL, I'm a shut in for most of the summer. This is a beautiful and peaceful blog. I shall come here often.
ReplyDeleteJust want to say that I LOVE your blog! I found it this morning, and I find comfort in the fact that it seems the Blanca Massif has made as big an impact in someone else's life as it has in mine.
ReplyDeleteFor a little bit of backstory, my dad left my family and ran away to the SLV Ranches when I was very little. I was taken out there twice to see him, and while I was there living in a broken down travel trailer and bathing in the nearby creek, I was horrifically abused. But I don't remember the abuse (though we both testified to it in court once he was caught and had to hand me back post-kidnapping); I remember the sheer beauty of the land. Once I came back, I looked at pictures of the Blanca Massif (in the earlier days of the internet, when its pictures were far harder to find). We were a bit closer to the peak than you, but images of it have filled my mind with wonder and lust ever since I was a kid. Despite everything, I even moved back to go to school at Adams State.
In the end, the demons were too much; I moved out of state as soon as I graduated. But the beauty, the mystery, the solitude, and the cynicism that surrounds the Blanca Massif and my memory is unlike anything else. And it's nice to see someone else who gets that, who has had a similar experience with the solitude-induced thought and mindset that this corner of the SLV brings.
Thank you so much for writing -- I keep posting my observations about Blanca here because I have such strong feelings about the mountain. I know that very few people will ever see this blog, but I keep working on it in the hope that the images and words will capture someone else's imagination or revive a memory. I'm very grateful that you wrote to tell me about your experiences. There's definitely an immense, ambivalent power in this area. Although it's been rough to live here in certain ways, I wouldn't trade that "solitude-induced thought" you mentioned for anything.
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